This is another post on positivity. For a short time I was the queen of positive thinking. My past is full of negativity, frustration and hopelessness that I'm proud to say I pulled out of after some 26 years, much thanks to disc golf! Unfortunately I've let myself wander back to that shadow and although I am about 80% better than I was, that 20% is far too much for me to be okay with.
While traveling, I tend to send myself notes during those 12 hour lonely road trips or long flights where I'm left with only my thoughts. Just recently I sent myself this note "Don't let other people's actions or the way others treat you determine your worth."
Then I looked at my previous note from one month ago and it said this "Don't let the way others treat you determine what you think you're worth. Have confidence from within and work to impress only yourself".
Clearly I've been struggling with the same issue for some time and haven’t gotten a handle on it.
I've been let down plenty in my life and had a big switch of mentality that pulled me out of my rut about a year ago. The idea was to only rely on myself and only put faith and hope in the things I had control over (disc golf, my job, my finances, where I live). That may come off negative but the types of let downs I've experienced have been large and overwhelming, and I would get so broken. I seem to be back in that place though, and allowing others’ attitudes or treatment effect how I see myself. I didn't realize how much of a spiral I have been in the last few months but it all started with an incident in which I felt worthless and unimportant. Then a few things happened that compounded quickly and the result was me deciding I must not be any good. And it shows. Obviously I didn't fully put this together until recently, but Gloomy Glenda has been in full force since then.
Could you guys tell?
It is SO important to think positively no matter the circumstance. In life, in general, it is the key to happiness and I think I forgot that. Everyday life ties into disc golf, so tightly. I need positivity for my game and for my jobs and for my people in my life.
I've battled to happy before, and I know how to do it, I've honestly just been too wrapped up in the bad to let it go. Happiness takes work and I’m determined to get back to the bubbly Tina I used to know and love. I guess I'm writing this blog as a way to hold myself responsible for my actions from here on out.
During my first week back in Portland, I had a friend that said it was so good to have my smile back in Oregon and it reminded me of the girl I was when I left here 8 months ago. She existed for a long time even in Arizona in new surroundings with few friends and for awhile in the first half of the tour when I was crushing tournaments, but she got lost and I NEED to find her for me, for my friends and loved ones, and for the game. I've always had pride in being fun to play with because I had a positive attitude regardless of the day but those days are all too far away and I want them back!!
I don’t know how much everyone can relate to this, but clearly it’s been a long struggle for me and I know I have a few friends out there that have dealt with similar issues. I hope to report back next week with all good things, and hopefully good feeling rounds under my belt despite the score I put up. Attitude really is everything and I’m making the decision for it to be a GOOD one!
The Lynx in Cottage Grove, OR is this weekend. Good friends will be there and I am determined to turn my thoughts around.
P.s. In the recent ratings update, my good round at the Glass Blown Open was increased to a 931! Highest round of my life so far. I’d like to get back to that.
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