Life is in a weird place right now but overall things are going remarkably well, especially compared to 2 months ago. I’m getting out of my slump like I promised I would in my last blog. The positive thoughts and vibes and all around good things are back and I feel like my old self again. I’m not 100% there, but boy am I close.
I am asked often these days what my living situation is like. Most of you know I own a 27 ft travel trailer that I’ve lived in for over a year. Unfortunately, because of the fact that I don’t own a truck and it costs an arm and a leg to move it from Arizona to Oregon, Elizabeth Trailer remains in Arizona. I’m coming up on a strange situation where my Prius just isn’t doing it for me right now. My inventory is growing, my need/want to stay in my car on weekends is also growing but it’s just not working out.
I am staying in an apartment in Portland right now, and will be relocating to a friend’s house nearby (thank you Kara for your kind heart and allowing me to stay with you). But there’s this little feeling that won’t go away. Well, not little, it’s there all the time and it’s pesky.
I dearly miss RV life.
You’d think having laundry and space and a comfy couch and places you can actually do yoga and a full shower you can use for more than 5 minutes would be a luxury (though I do like the occasional hotel). But I don’t love it. There’s something about that small simple space in an RV that my mind/soul craves. That small space and the ability to pick it up and go anywhere while never feeling stuck. That feeling is irreplaceable. I didn’t realize how much of that was so important to my happiness, but it is.
Anyhow. I’m looking into road vehicles/trailers,etc. right now, trying to figure out the right scenario and I’m selling my 27 footer when I get back to Arizona anyhow. I have a hell of a long schedule still while I’m Oregon for the next few months and I’d like to be able to travel and work comfortably and hopefully have space for a tour buddy too.
Right now, I am almost exactly one month into working at the bank, that means for sure another 2 months left, perhaps 3 depending on the scenario. It’s gone quick, but imagining another 3 months here at this desk when I want to be out playing is a little unbearable to think about so I try to focus on today, and the future tour and not dwell on the middle part. It will work in my favor in the long run, and already is, and in reality it is just a small blip in my career. There’s so much golf to look forward to in the future!
Which brings me to the rest of the season! I posted my schedule yesterday on facebook and I have made the decision to play in the open division after AM Worlds - despite the outcome. A handful of things lead to this and it may seem strange after just coming out of an extremely low rated couple of months.
-I watched the pro women field at the Lynx and I noticed a few things, a. I can totally throw that far and that accurately (most of the time), b. with confidence like they have, I can make most of those putts, c. I really don’t focus or put nearly as much effort into my shots as they do and that is completely fixable.
-Next, I was scrolling through my ratings detail on the PDGA and noticed one large outlying factor. Every time I played open, I’d shoot one of my worst rated rounds simply because of pressure. I’ve overcome so many types of pressure strictly because I did it over and over and over until it was second nature, and I know this is the same thing. If I challenge myself against those girls, I will get better and I will improve and I will handle that pressure with ease.
-Ya’ll know Eric, The Eric Oakley, Putterpants, Team Coordinator, etc. He just won his first ever open tournament which was also an A-tier and also against a LOT of really good players (Fort Steilacoom Open). I’ve seen Eric struggle through a lot of the same golf issues as myself and his story is inspirational. He’s trained and he’s fought and he’s shot great rounds followed by bad ones and he never quit. He never let his rating or other people's expectations of his game slow him down and he came up and beat a bunch of thousand rated players - through persistence, and accepting the tough times as a challenge to get better. Seeing that kind of success story has really allowed me to look at my rough time in a different light, a bright hopeful one where determination pays off.
-Lastly - just determination. Something happened to me in the last few weeks where I feel I am getting to the edge of the fence where although I may be comfortable in AM, I’m not pushing myself as hard as I want to. I’m here in this sport to someday compete with the BEST (and someday BE the best)! I think it’s important to give yourself time in the right divisions while you’re figuring things out and that only you can decide when it’s time to move up. But for me it is time. I’ve learned what I can from the AM division, I’ve won some things, I’ve lost some things, I’ve shot terrible rounds, and stellar rounds I’ve let myself down, I’ve battled pressure, I’ve overcome huge issues and now I’m ready. I’m ready to be humbled and to observe and absorb and to focus better and to take each stroke/each round in stride, and to tour alongside my heros who are now my friends.
This is not the year I had planned, not even a little, but it’s STILL MY YEAR! Next year will be even bigger!
Thanks for reading, this is a long one but I’ve come out of my swamp and I’m ready to kick life’s ass!
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