This might be one of my lengthier posts, it's been a rough one. I feel like I was doing great last week. Lots of things were trying to take me down but I tend to be able to see things in a positive light and get over it. But, a girl can only handle so much before losing it. This week was a huge mix of great's, bad's and god dammit's. Monday started out with that doctor's appointment for my hurty foot, then a flat tire (replaced the other 3 too), then one of my worst rounds of golf - tournament or otherwise, and now a cracked windshield I'll have to replace. Somewhere in there I broke a little. Money money money!
Money stuff is much harder to deal with than it was when I had full time income. Knowing that I'm running off of a smaller budget in savings makes these unexpected expenses a lot more scary than they were before. I know I'll be fine, but frankly I didn't budget for an extra $700+ of expenses for my first month of "unemployment", and I absolutely let it get to me.
Saturday I played the Phoenix Ladies Open in the pro division and I played on a card with my BFF...and Catrina Allen, for a player as new as me, she's a little intimidating. I'm a low rated player even for the advanced field and I had a hard/impossible time shaking that from my brain during the first round. Anyone who has seen me play wouldn't recognize me either and it was somewhat heartbreaking for me. Frisbees are my life right now and it's such a heavy/unpleasant feeling when I can't preform even close to where I can. The bigger let down to me though is my poor attitude. I pride myself for being the positive energy on the course despite missed putts and bad drives, but after 12 holes of the same disappointment, every throw, I let myself get down and that's where I stayed. Erika pointed out to me that my face, after a bad drive, shows all of those other things I'm dealing with. There was way more going on in my head than just golf. I'm learning to play with that pressure and it will get better but it's a longer road than I thought and I have to be okay with that.
Here's where I turn it around as usual. This weekend taught me a lot that I don't think I would have figured out if things went differently. For that I am thankful. Erika reminded me I've got a lot more going on than just that field that day. And that I'm a new golfer. I've got a lot of the mental side to work on, and that's my next focus. But outside of that, I'm a business owner, I'm following my dream and I want to be an inspiration to other women and that is WAY more important to me than one tournament.
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
To touch on the brighter notes, two of my favorite people were here in Arizona with me last week. Zoe Andyke and Erika Stinchcomb (mentioned above). They both played amazingly this weekend and it's so much fun to watch. It was incredibly nice to have some of those Pacific Northwest vibes down here. That'll hold me over until Thanksgiving for sure, when I go back to Portland to visit. I do miss home but I can finally say I'm settling in well. I do love it here, I love where my house is, and I'm starting to feel more of a part of the community. The mountains are beautiful and the weather is really pleasant. I'm in Flagstaff, AZ right now and it's supposed to snow, then we're heading back to Tucson and it will be 80 degrees again...how cool is that? Aaaaaaand I get to keep Erika until Saturday! Happy.
Thanks again for all of your support, and for joining me on my journey! It's been a whale of a good time so far.
Please enjoy this giant photo album from this week.
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