You know last week when I said tour life was pretty easy and I adjusted pretty quickly? Boy was I wrong. Turns out there's more to it than I had expected and there are pieces that are way harder than I thought possible.
Let me start by saying I played some of my worst golf in a long time last weekend at the Nick Hyde Memorial. I was on camera, and playing along-side one of my idols - Paige Pierce and I felt more self conscience and more defeated than ever... I've been getting "yippie" and missing 6 foot putts...SIX FOOTERS you guys!!! It's ridiculous. So, what's going on?
The last few weeks have been a huge struggle. Things have been building up and I wasn't exactly sure why, but this weekend I had to address the problems. I've lived alone for three years and ended up loving the solitude. Now, I basically live with 3 to 10 people at a time all the time and therefore living on everyone else's schedules. I made the mistake of not taking time to myself and I haven't read my own emotions well enough to realize how tense I was getting. Alone time is important, it is so important. My relationship with myself has crumbled into something unrecognizable, and in turn my relationship with the people I care about i.e. boyfriend, has also been strange for the last two weeks. Rule number one - take care of yourself first. I preach this always but it is so hard to follow your own advice sometimes. The other part of this is my mental game has gotten lost in the mix. I feel like I need to play with people on my level in order to maintain a balance where I am still improving but still have confidence that I am a good player. They say that playing with the top pros is how you get better and while I think there is truth to that I also think it is extremely destructive after a long period of time for me. I'm playing practice rounds with two of the longest throwers in the game plus Eric Oakley who can crush over 500 feet easily and their bad drives are still 200 feet in front of my perfect shots. It feels terrible. I can't keep up. I'm always the last on the box, they're all waiting for me to throw my 3rd and 4th drive for their 1 and eventually I just feel like I'm not good at this anymore. I know that's not the case but constantly playing with some of the best in the world every single day really has crushed my confidence. It's 100% my fault for not being more confident in myself, but I just don't know how to cope with it. Last week I finally I started playing casual rounds by myself because I realized what was happening but it seems the damage was already done and now I need to rebuild.
Also last week I did say that I had done a lot of fieldwork and distance training and I was hoping that it wouldn't mess up my game too much but it did this weekend on this beast of a course. I've been told I'm not crazy for playing like I did. It is HARD. The fairways are small, long and unforgiving though that doesn't give me a big enough excuse to play like I did. If you are off your line by an inch or two you're probably looking at a six instead of the three really easily and it happened so quickly. Every time I stepped up to the tee pad I was thinking about my new footing about my new positioning, and too many things. On a course like this you need to know that you are going to throw what you want to throw and you need to be confident in every single shot that you make and I was not. The lack of confidence came through in my putting, driving, pitchouts, upshots, you name it every single part of my game was compromised this weekend and I just could not fix it.
This week, to counter all of this, I'm taking some time to myself, taking a bit of a break from disc golf and trying my absolute hardest to think positive about everything. I am determined to bounce back from this setback as quickly as possible and be the golfer and person I know I am. Wish me luck and thank you to all of my friends who have given me such good input and advice on recovering from this, and thank you for letting me be human.
Peace, love, frisbees.
The last few weeks have been relatively uneventful with some wonderful people, good tournaments, and some crazy weather but that's about it. I played well at the Texas Women's tournament and came in 2nd. I got to spend a few days in Austin, Texas which really just makes me miss Portland!!!
Texas has been fun. It's a lot prettier than I expected, with lots of trees and humidity which reminds me of my home in Wisconsin. I caddied (for Eric) and vended at the Texas State Championships and Sunday was a whole slew of different weather throughout the day but we survived. I got the play the bEast course which is easily in my top 10 so far. If you ever get a chance to stop in Waco, TX and have a few hours, go play the bEast!
Tour life set in really easily for me. Living out of my car, or in an RV or hotel, it's grown on me really quickly, I like it and it's surprisingly comfortable. But... then my old boss called.
So I was presented with an opportunity that I really can't pass up. My old bank in Portland needs me for a few months starting around mid May, and I was offered whatever schedule I wanted and enough of an incentive that I just flat out have to do it. What this means for me:
Huge financial stability
More flying to tournaments instead of driving
A long distance relationship again
Spending another summer in Portland with my favorite people and courses
A really good future
What this means for you:
More pictures of airports instead of car windows
It's not something I expected, nor is it REALLY what I wanted right now but it is a great opportunity to set up my future self to be able to tour HARD and have some real stability. I will still be playing everything on my list with one exception. I will still run Whale Sacs. I will still train, but on my lunch break and after work. I could be done as soon as August, or go at it for a few more months. Whale just have to see. :D
Wish me luck, and I promise, I'm still living my dream, I'm just going to be WAY more comfortable after these few months are over.
Throw Frisbees. Follow Your Dreams. aaaaaannnndddd Recognize Opportunity when it falls in your lap.
Love you all!
I haven't written in quite awhile but I truly have been more busy than ever and the one hour of down time I did have, I ended up watching Parks & Recreation and falling asleep right away anyhow. But I'm back!
I've been making whales, doing field work and organizing my entire life into a prius!
I was chatting with my BFF Erika earlier this week and we noted how much more homeless we both are since meeting each other - both working towards the ultimate goal of being a professional touring disc golfer. What a dream. She just bought herself a rv style van to live in for her 2017 season! It'll be nice to have a friend on the road with me next year.
Whale things are going swimmingly (BAH) as I passed up the 1,000 whale mark by a few hundred last week! There are at least 4 tournaments this year that have Whale Sacs for players packs which I'm super happy about, though it hasn't been a walk in the park trying to produce that many while also getting my life together AND touring, but I'm learning how to run a business on the road. Everything is packed up into Penelope Prius including my sewing machine and all of the inventory and discs and you name it, while my house is in storage for the summer. I also have a place to rest my head in my car if I don't have a place to stay. You'd be surprised how much room there is!
I'm currently in Austin, TX re-writing this blog post...staying at a new friend, Lisa's house getting ready to play Texas Women's Championships. This is my first stop of 3 in Texas this month, and I'll get to see the Discmania crew again after this tournament. Speaking of Discmania, I'm happy to say I have my own Discmania discs with my Whale Sacs stamp on them!! I have a handful of FD's which is pretty much the most amazing disc I've ever thrown, as well as some P2 putters and some beautiful mini's. There is something really special about having your logo printed on your favorite belonging.
As for throwing actual frisbees, I got to do some field work during my time off from tournaments and learned a lot as usual. I really encourage everyone to get out to a field, not a course, film yourself and figure out what's REALLY going on with your throw and what needs to be fixed. This time I learned that angles are really important, and also that I've been approaching the teebox without much intensity. That has to change if I want to be a distance thrower. It is my goal over the next 2 years to be a crusher! I can get around 300-330 fairly consistently right now but I want to blow that number out of the water! I'm hoping my field work doesn't interfere with my tournaments coming up as it often takes awhile for changes to set in, but I guarantee the changes will help in the long run.
I will try to be more diligent with updates, but moral of the story is I'm happy, I'm for REAL on tour now, I'm homeless, and I like it that way.
Keep throwing, chase your dreams and love your life as hard as you can.
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